College News

Dear Parent(s), Date: ______________

I am too busy to write, but this checklist covers most of the topics of interest to both of us.

Please send:

__ Money (Cash)! Amount: ____________________

__ Food (Cookies)! Dozens: ____________________

__ Clean clothes!


__ What?

__ I am in love with myself

__ I am in love!

__ I am engaged

__ I got married last weekend

My Roommate:

__ Worships the ground I walk on

__ Gave me a black eye

__ Committed suicide and left a note saying I was the reason

__ Is afraid of the dark and wants to sleep with me in my bed ???

__ Has fleas

My Professors are:

__ Sadistic water walkers

__ Mental institution escapees

__ Brain dead nerds

__ Super oxygen thieves

Latest News:

__ I wrecked the car

__ I can't use your credit card because I have exceeded the credit limit

__ You are going to have a grandchild

__ False alarm - you are NOT going to have a grandchild


__ Is great!

__ Even makes me appreciate your cooking

__ I have had pizzas for the last eleven meals


__ I have gained _____ pounds

__ My roommate is in the hospital with meningitis

__ My HIV test was: _____ positive _____ negative (check only one)

__ I died yesterday


__ I am making all A's

__ I am not being properly challenged

__ I will be home after this semester

I study:

__ Night and day

__ All the time

__ 80 hours a week

__ Only on Sunday afternoon

__ None of the above

Daily Devotions:

__ I read my Bible everyday

__ I can't read

__ Someone stole my Bible while I was at one of the local bars

On my last visit home, I left:

__ My glasses

__ My paper that was due yesterday

__ The clothes you washed for me

__ My (girlfriend's) birth control pills

__ The check to cover my delinquent tuition payment

__ Other _____________________________________________

Please send above items by Federal Express (Priority One) or UPS (Blue)


__ My white underwear is now _________________

__ I am saving money by not using detergent

__ Don't worry, I washed my clothes last semester

__ I hang my clothes out the window when it rains

My room:

__ Can pass your "white glove" test

__ Is only _____% full

__ Could not be located last Saturday night

__ Was rented by the ROTC for hazardous terrain training


__ I don't inhale

__ I only go to meet people

__ Haven't been to one since this morning

Hope you:

__ Miss me

__ Can live without me

__ Are not overdoing the celebration of my absence


__ Your Daughter,

__ Your Son,

__ Yours,